President Obama, Vice President Joseph R. Biden and Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton met in the White House on Thursday. This is, according to a nonpartisan fly that happened to be on the wall, a firsthand, verbatim account of their conversation:
BIDEN: Knock knock, BO, it’s me, JB. Joe — Joe Biden.
OBAMA: I know, Joe. No one else says “knock knock” to an open door. Come in, sit down. And leave your SuperSoaker by the door, Joe, this isn’t play time. It’s serious time.
BIDEN: Aw, BO, c’mon, it wasn’t that bad. I just said, “They’re going to put y’all back in chains.” You said to ramp up the racial undertones. How was I supposed to know that there were hundreds of black lawyers in the audience, and that I was in the state that elected the first black governor since Reconstruction — Montana.
OBAMA: Virginia, Joe, Virginia. It was right on your schedule. It’s where we got that great burger that one time, remember? Right next to Washington, D.C., the other way from Maryland.
BIDEN: Oh, right. I’ve been there.
OBAMA: Yes, yes, you have. Joe, remember when we talked about Virginia, how I really, really need to win it this time, like, I’m probably not going to be president again if I don’t, and then you’ll be out of a job? Remember?
BIDEN: I remember you said “job,” but I didn’t really get it — I just nodded a lot and gave you the “finger guns,” like I do when I don’t get something. “Peww, peww, pewww.” Gotcha!
OBAMA: “Job,” Joe, “job.” Remember, those few months after college and before you entered politics, 50 years ago, job, working, up in the morning, off to “the job”?
BIDEN: Vaguely. Hated it. Had to do stuff all the time. My law firm was awful. But that’s just ‘cuz the government wasn’t there to help me create my business, right? I mean, like you said, no one creates a business by themselves. It takes government. I tried; didn’t work. I’m sleepy — is it time to go to Delaware yet?
OBAMA:Joe, it’s 11 a.m. On Thursday. Much more work to do. Week ends Friday, 5 p.m. for you, just like everyone else.
BIDEN: Awww, but …
OBAMA: Joey, seriously, we gotta talk.
BIDEN: Wait, I heard a new joke BO: A rabbi, a priest and a negro walk into a bar. The bartender says …